


yakap sa dilim

by chaisumu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, kourai is a good boyfriend, sachirou is a good vet (also a good boyfriend)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29177658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaisumu/pseuds/chaisumu
Summary: If there’s one thing about Kourai that he knows about himself best, it’s that he doesn’t like backing down. Something is definitely wrong. They might not always be together but Kourai knows how Sachirou looks when he’s distressed.Kourai resists the urge to pry, he knows it’s counterproductive.When he resumes frying, he can almost hear Sachirou’s sigh of relief.“Thank you. Let me enjoy this a little more,” Sachirou whispers. Kourai lets himself enjoy the moment a little more, too.—Or an operation in the vet hospital fails to save a life, and Sachirou, distressed, goes to Tokyo for a little while.
Relationships: Hirugami Sachirou/Hoshiumi Kourai
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	yakap sa dilim

**Author's Note:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SACHIROU!
> 
> This work contains an off-screen animal surgery and animal death. It’s not written but it is implied.
> 
> It also contains off-screen sexual content. Nothing is written but again, it is implied.
> 
> This is my first time writing a fic for hiruhoshi and I hope I did them justice. Enjoy!

Sachirou still remembers the first thing his adviser told him when he started his internship. _Not everything will go according to your plans. Sometimes there's nothing you can do. It's more frustrating when it's not your fault._

It was a three-hour operation. Three gruelling hours where he's just standing-by, observing, providing assistance when necessary. He knows what comes with his choice of profession, he didn’t choose blindly. Countless career counselling workshops back in high school made sure of that. Videos and simulations painted a picture clear as day that there are ups and downs but nothing, nothing prepared him for seeing the pain in the owner's face when they broke the news. _This is hard. This is painful._

Standard operating procedure: you are not supposed to apologize after a surgery. You shouldn't. Sachirou thought that was easy. It wasn't.

Can't apologize, can't cry in front of them, can't look contrite. He lists down the things he remembered from his upperclassmen's advice. The list is longer than three, he's pretty sure about that but he can't seem to recall anything. Sachirou stills his shaking fingers before excusing himself. He has to go home, soon, or else he’ll break.

He lists the steps they took, tries to see where it went wrong when he knows nothing did. Contrition is a curse. His mind feels like an echo. Every thought is too loud and guilt, though misplaced, starts to creep into every empty corner of his mind. _Think about something else. List other things._

A duffel bag, shirts, coat, pants, shorts, briefs. Socks, toiletries—

Pausing from packing his bags, Sachirou tries to think if he should bring a toothbrush, if he still has one in Tokyo. He can't remember. He hasn't been there in a long while. Haven't seen _him_ in a long time.

Sandal mo sana ang ulo mo sa unan

Katawan mo ay aking kukumutan

Mga problema'y iyong malilimutan

Habang tayo'y magkayakap sa dilim

The first thing that registered in his mind is this: the bed feels right. _Too right._

Then next: it's still dark. The team is on a break, he shouldn't be awake right now.

The last thing is the weird lump beside him, which does not look weird, _not at all._ It looks familiar, comforting. A lump that shouldn't be beside him right now.

Sachirou didn't say anything about visiting.

Kourai carefully lays his blanket over Sachirou's sleeping form, knowing how cold his room is. He likes blasting the AC. He likes to be reminded of Nagano’s cold weather. Likes to be reminded of home.

As quiet as he could, Kourai stands up carefully not to jostle Sachirou. He proceeds to pick up the duffle bag at the feet of the bed, folds the clothes that were placed over his bedside table then he kisses Sachirou’s shoulder before going out of his room.

Kourai’s apartment is small. Almost all Tokyo apartments are. One bedroom, small bath, his tiny living room which basically doubles as a dining area is connected to the kitchen where he prepares breakfast. He brews coffee, something he knows Sachirou cannot wake up without.

When he was new to the city, Kourai spent countless hours trying to perfect Japanese cuisine.

No. That’s not true.

When he was new to the city, he tried to go home to Nagano as much as he could. Sue him, he was eighteen. His mom prepares food that will last him for days and when he eventually runs out, he goes around to look for small shops and restaurants that sell Japanese meals. Dead tired from training and his almost weekly commute to Nagano, that went on for months until one Hirugami Sachirou looked him dead in the eye and said, “You can’t keep coming home for food, Kourai. You can’t keep eating out either.”

Sachirou forced him through long sessions of video calls where they cooked together, or where Sachirou cooked delicious-looking Japanese food and he tried his hardest not to burn food and his apartment down.

Rolling the tamagoyaki perfectly, Kourai smiles fondly at the memory before he feels long arms wrap around his midsection and a tuft of brown hair tickle his ears.

“Smells good.”

“Coffee is in the pot.”

Sachirou nods, or Kourai thinks he did when he remembers to ask. “You didn’t tell me you’re coming.”

Sachirou tenses behind him. Kourai turns around to look at Sachirou’s face when the arms around him tighten. “Later,” Sachirou mumbles. “Please.”

If there’s one thing about Kourai that he knows about himself best, it’s that he doesn’t like backing down. Something is definitely wrong. They might not always be together but Kourai knows how Sachirou looks when he’s distressed.

Kourai resists the urge to pry, he knows it’s counterproductive. 

When he resumes frying, he can almost hear Sachirou’s sigh of relief.

“Thank you. Let me enjoy this a little more,” Sachirou whispers. Kourai lets himself enjoy the moment a little more, too.

Huwag mong pigilin kung nais mapaluha

Pakiramdam mo sana'y guminhawa

Breakfast is silent. Time with Kourai is never silent. It’s not unwelcome, though. Sachirou wants peace before recalling the memory, before explaining his unplanned visit.

The breakfast spread before him is nothing fancy. In fact, it is extremely balanced and healthy that it pulls the corner of his lips up. There’s a little of every food group in the table, proof of how much Kourai tries to take care of himself.

They make a quick affair of finishing up the food and washing the plates. Kourai washes and Sachirou dries, just like how they have always done it. What's different is there's no mindless chatter, no noise while they pass the dishes to each other. 

What's different is Sachirou doesn't feel good right now. He feels like his life has just been tilted out of its axis. Like nothing makes sense. Like nothing is the same as a few hours ago, like he’s not the same person who left the clinic.

Sachirou feels the memories slowly crashing down on him. As quiet as he could, he breathes from his nose and out his lips. Inhale. Exhale. Again. Inhale. Exhale. He tries to breathe for another round when fingers suddenly snap in front of him.

"I'm done washing. What's wrong?"

Kourai has never been the patient type. He's practically vibrating, probably the toll of staying still for too long that Sachirou feels laughter bubbling out of him.

His boyfriend’s impatient nature is a welcome reprieve from everything that’s happening. Sachirou, still giggling, watches as dozens of emotions cross Kourai’s face before it eventually settles on annoyance. “The fuck are you laughing at?!”

The dam breaks. Sachirou laughs, laughs, and laughs like never did before. He doubles over, gripping Kourai’s arm like he will float away once he lets go. He laughs loud, too loud maybe, if the knocking from the apartment beside theirs is any indication. He laughs like he will never be able to.

Sachirou sees Kourai’s annoyance turn to anger, before the expression melts away from his face once they take a good look at each other.

Calloused hands reach over his face before settling on his cheek. Kourai slowly swipes his thumb under his eyes and Sachirou suddenly has the startling realization that he’s crying. He is crying. And once he realized, he couldn't stop. Violent sobs start racking his body like the tears are forcefully getting squeezed out of him. He brings his hand over to where Kourai’s lie and he can feel something wet. Sachirou pushes his palms atop his eyes, willing himself to stop when Kourai pulls his head down to kiss his forehead, his nose, his lips.

“Shhh, keep going,” he whispers to Sachirou’s cheek. “I’m just here. Don’t mind me.”

Sachirou starts to apologize, and he knows he looks contrite but he keeps going anyway. He’s not in the hospital, he’s not in front of his patients, his upperclassmen are not around. He keeps crying and apologizing, knowing that right now, he could. Every unshed tear comes running out, every kept apology is now in the open. Right now, Kourai is there, pressing kisses over his face, over every tear, after every sorry.

Kung gusto mo ay magsigarilyo muna

Bago tayo magkayakap sa dilim

After Sachirou’s long crying session, Kourai brings him water.

“Drink. You cried a river, I bet you’re severely dehydrated.”

Sachirou takes the glass from him, his hands still a little shaky.

“Can you tell me what happened now?” is apparently not the best question as new wave of tears take over Sachirou, but he’s talking now. Kourai counts that as a win.

Sachirou takes a deep breath before the words start spilling out.

“So I’m doing an internship for small animal surgery for a couple of months now, right? Then everything was going well, until yesterday it didn’t. There’s an old dog, and the head vet actually suggested to the owner that we put her down, that there’s a very small chance but the owner is willing to take the risk.”

Drinking a few gulps of water, Sachirou continues, “And the owner is a high school girl, with her parents of course but after a couple of hours there really isn’t anything we can do and we had to break the news. They had me and another intern do it and their face fell. I can’t even,” he takes a breath, “I cannot even—”

Kourai sits closer, wraps his hands a little tighter, as Sachirou cries. “I cannot even apologize. I can’t. I shouldn’t. Something about the possibility of a lawsuit or something. Cannot look contrite because hell, we’re not guilty. They knew the risks. They thanked us for trying but why do I feel like I don’t deserve it?”

He’s always known he has it easy, far easier than Sachirou. He’s never been trusted with a life, and he doesn’t think he trusts himself either. He can’t say he knows what Sachirou is going through but he knows guilt, he knows regret, and he knows failure. Sachirou talks quietly and he holds him through it.

“Remember when we talked? Near our school? After graduation? I said this time around, someone could die if I make a mistake. I was prepared for that. I am. But what do I do when this happens? When we didn’t even make a mistake? We didn’t make one.”

Kourai doesn’t know the answer but he knows that Sachirou doesn’t need one. Not from him anyway.

He doesn’t know the answer but he thinks he knows exactly what to say.

“Wanna drink?”

“You’re not supposed to.”

“We have a weekend break! And I’m not gonna drink. Maybe just a little.”

“What if my brother knows?”

“Are you going to tell your brother?”

Sachirou didn’t answer. Smile blooms in Kourai’s face. He knows that’s a no.

Heto na'ng pinaka-hihintay natin

Heto na tayo magkayakap sa dilim

O kay sarap ng mga nakaw na sandali

Habang tayo'y magkayakap sa dilim

  
  


Their first time in a bar was also around this season. Him, in his second year of veterinary medicine and Kourai, in his second year in Schweiden Adlers. He still was doing general education subjects, he still had more time. Kourai was not a first stringer then, but he will be the season after that.

Everything was a mess, from Kourai’s poor attempt to hide his identity and Sachirou’s even poorer attempt to not let his brother know that he’s dating their new wing spiker (which was futile because apparently, they all already knew). Everything was so wrong that it’s right. Too confusing that it makes sense. Too chaotic that it’s comforting.

Sachirou still remembers everything.

The bar is in Nagano and is 15 minutes away from Kourai’s house. It’s not as grand as the ones in Tokyo but it’s homey. The cheap installation lights are flickering out of beat and the DJ booth is so tiny that he felt bad for the person playing the music.

He still remembers how they first refused to let Kourai in, leading him to yell, “But I’m older than him!” and him trying his best not to laugh. Or cry. That was embarrassing.

He still remembers how with just a bottle of beer each, they hit the floor to dance. They both have never been to a nightclub and this is both their first time dancing, if you can call swaying slowly in the darker part of the club that.

His upperclassmen in Nagano have always told Sachirou that nightclubs are fun, that parties are something to look forward to, that this is the peak of his college life. Getting drunk and wasted after a week of exams, dancing like they own the world, singing at the top of their lungs.

They might be right but he knows that nothing will beat this: him and his boyfriend awkwardly moving, faces red just from a bottle of alcohol each, singing the wrong lyrics to each other and arguing who’s right when no one is.

They were dancing to the beat of their own drum and it might look lame on the outside, but Sachirou knows that nothing can beat this.

Heto na'ng pinaka-hihintay natin

O heto na tayo magkayakap sa dilim

O kay sarap ng mga nakaw na sandali

Habang tayo'y magkayakap sa dilim

Hirugami Fukurou will beat his ass.

It doesn’t matter if Sachirou keeps this outing to himself. The couple of fans who excitedly took photos with him will surely let his captain know that he went out. It’s not that they are not allowed to go out. _Hell_ , some of the older players even smoke. It’s that Hirugami Fukurou has taken three roles in Kourai’s life: 1) as his captain; 2) as a brother. After the confirmation that he’s dating Sachirou, Fukurou has been protective and has announced that he will be the best older brother to Kourai. His captain said that he’s always happy about the news but that’s a fucking lie; 3) because he also has acted upon the role of an insufferable in-law who loves to remind him that he should take care of their baby brother or else.

Kourai is not guilty, he really is not going to drink. The noise in the bar will hopefully fill up Sachirou’s brain and that’s the only reason he suggested going out. He watches Sachirou focus on scanning the drinks even though they both know he’ll just settle with a cold bottle of beer. Their usual.

The nightclub is a lot more high-end than the one in Nagano. This one has an elevated DJ booth and lights that actually follow the beat and rhythm of the song. There is a booth somewhere in the back that Hoshiumi hopes will be a blind spot. He steers Sachirou towards that direction when he gets stopped by two younger women who want a picture with him and Sachirou.

“My brother is going to kill you.”

Sachirou doesn’t need to tell him that.

Mirth is dancing behind Sachirou’s eyes when Kourai looks over. He pats himself on the back mentally. Sachirou looks happier. _Another win for him_.

The music playing is loud, some new pop songs that he hears when the coaches turn on the radio in the bus when they have games. It was upbeat, and Kourai finds himself bobbing his head up and down to the beat.

Smiling like the devil, Sachirou pushes his half-empty beer towards him. “You’re really not gonna drink?”

The lights hit Sachirou’s face perfectly and Kourai was struck with the sudden urge to hold him close. He ignores Sachirou’s teasing to ask, “Let’s dance.”

“I thought you don’t want people to see you.”

“They already did.”

“Are you sure that’s okay?”

“One hundred and twenty percent.” Kourai stands up to go closer to Sachirou. “I want to.”

Halika na at sumiping na sa kama

Lasapin natin sarap ng pagsasama

They danced for a handful of songs. One that talks about a wet body part that had the people yelling and grinding. The other about snakes, which Sachirou is pretty sure, with his veterinary background, is not actually talking about reptiles. Couple of songs about love and other things blasted that got the people jumping up and down when a different song that is still upbeat but a little calmer played.

This is definitely different from the other ones. While those songs had people twerking and shaking their bodies, this one is slower. He was reminded of the time, years ago, when he and Kourai were swaying awkwardly back in a nightclub in Nagano.

Sachirou looks around then panickedly looks back down to Kourai.

“What?”

“They are making out.”

“Are you seriously freaked out?”

“I’m just not used to it, okay? No one is suddenly making out in the lecture halls or clinics.”

Kourai laughs before saying, “You should go out with the National Team.”

He recalls the roster, scrunching his nose when he realizes who’s in it. “No thanks.”

Sachirou watches Kourai tilt his head back while letting out a boisterous laugh. He has always liked happiness in Kourai’s face, likes watching him enjoy games, likes his expression when he finally gets his groove. _I’m so weak._

“Hey,” Kourai starts, then cuts himself off before holding him closer and inching his face nearer.

Sachirou brings his face down and they’re kissing. Slow and unhurried, like they have all the time in the world.

He can’t remember who first whispered, “home.”

Sa 'ting pag-ibig tayo ay umasa

Habang tayo'y magkayakap sa dilim

For the second time, Sachirou wakes up to an empty bed only this time he’s wearing less clothes and the AC is not as cold. The room is small but you can feel that it’s full of love, much like it’s owner. There are two volleyballs at the corner, countless posters, pictures of family and friends, and a couple of trophies on the shelf. Beside that, a framed photo of the two of them with Kotarou sits.

While he’s smiling fondly at the picture, the lights in the room went out. He tries to look for his phone for the flashlight when he sees candlelights. Kourai’s out of tune singing comes afterwards.

“Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, Sachirou. Happy birthday to you.”

Sachirou remembers now. During this season, they first went to a nightclub to celebrate him turning 20. He suddenly remembers that his long break wasn’t serendipity, that the vet clinic actually gave him rest for his birthday. He covers his face with his hands. Hickeys and boxers is not really the best thing to wear to celebrate his birthday but he sees Kourai’s excited face and he can’t keep the grin from breaking out of his face.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Now blow your candles.”

He moves towards Kourai to do so when he moves the cake out of the way. “Make a wish first!”

Closing his eyes, he wishes for one thing: _please let me have this for as long as I live._

When he opens his eyes, an expectant face waits for him. “What did you wish for?”

Sachirou pauses, blows his candles, then answers.

“You.”

Sachirou still remembers the first thing his adviser told him when he started his internship. _Not everything will go according to your plans. Sometimes there's nothing you can do. It's more frustrating when it's not your fault._

But that’s not only it. He also said: _But there are some things that you can do, and you should focus on that. If you want to, use that frustration to your advantage. Practice. Study harder._

Going as far back as high school, Sachirou remembers his old volleyball team coach who told them that _habit is second nature._

Waiting for the Shinkansen, he lists down what he has to do. Observe diligently as he always does. Study hard as he always does. Do his rounds as he always does. Take care of himself as he always does. Watch his brother’s and his boyfriend’s match as he always does. Breathe when things get overwhelming as he always does. And love the noisy wing spiker slash honorary libero of his brother’s team as he always does.

“I think your train is coming. Are you ready to go?”

Sachirou takes a deep breath. “No. But there’s still a lot of animals that I will look for back home.”

“Yes, you do,” Kourai says with a smile in his voice. “See you in our games?”

“Only for the finals. My time is precious, _Hoshiumi-senshu_.”

“Okay. Finals. That’s noted, _Doc Hirugami Sachirou_.”

“Hmm, I can concede. Semi-finals, maybe?”

Kourai raises his eyebrow at him, and Sachirou knows, there and then, that he took that as a challenge. _Good_.

“No need. We’ll be there in the finals. I’ll save you front row seats so you better clear your schedule.”

“Confident, aren’t we? There are alot of good teams out there. Raijin, Falcons, Jackals. We’re not getting ahead of ourselves, are we, Hoshiumi-senshu?”

Kourai grins, sharp.

“Don’t worry. We’ll beat them too.”

**Author's Note:**

> twitter is also chaisumu!


End file.
